I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
