A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sext me about skeletons
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