so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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