I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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