I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
