so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
