I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
