oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
