rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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