is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
