i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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