I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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