my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
