im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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