Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
