Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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