All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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