remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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