dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
