it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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