you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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