I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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