We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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