i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
