party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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