yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
