Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
