I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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