this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
