now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it's great music for shaving your balls
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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