You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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