You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
