My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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