he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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