If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
