I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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