The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize