my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
