I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
