so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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