I just saw a hot homeless man
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
