dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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