I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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