I'm passing your future prison.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
