I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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