hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
