I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
