Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
