those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
