If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
