I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
