He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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