Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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