You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize