I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I won the penis lottery.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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