Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
