We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
