If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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