i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
