i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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