Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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