Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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