You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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