In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
