my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
