They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
