Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
