I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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