I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
