I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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