apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
