You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
