the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.