I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
