He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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