i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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