So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i've created a new STD.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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