Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
