couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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